9 hours monday, 9 hours tuesday, 9 hours wednesday, 7,5 hours thursday..
Hello week of terror..34,5 hours in 4 days..gsus christ on a pogostick.
A lot to do at work, My boss is gone for 2 weeks now, stocktake next week..
Pfff on Friday I’m going to Gunzburg, Germany, for a Star Wars convention
in Legoland!! I really need some Nerd Time off.. still 2 days to go!!
What to do without friends..
Went to see some close friends of mine this afternoon and it helped me a lot.
It’s so hard to keep fighting, when in your eyes, there’s nothing left to fight for anymore.
I’m so sick and tired of everything positive having a big negative attached to it.
I just want to have a positive streak without any negative bumps.
One thing I will take with me forever:
You have 3 pillars in your life, work, relationship and social life.
If one pillar falls down, you can compensate that with the other 2,
if 2 fall down, one, but if 3 pillars fall down, you have nothing left
except a big problem and you need to get it fixed.
I hate being sick!!
After wearing a kilt on saturday, sunday was sore throat day.
Monday was coughing my lungs out day, Tuesday extremely tired day,
Wednesday all together day and today I tried to work, but I’m home again day.
I woke up, didn’t cough that much last night, so I was feeling pretty ok,
I even did a 40 minute work out before going to work. But at work I was
tired again, walking to work felt like I ran a marathon and I was dizzy as hell.
So after one hour I went back home, after robbing the grocery store for fruit,
vegies and cranberry juice and the drugstore for all kinds of anti-flu stuff..
Now I’m sitting on the couch, soo tired, but not tired enough to sleep. It’s
more like I don’t have any energy left in my body, but I have to go back to
work in a few hours to close the store…I hope I’ll survive!!
I’m not sick *jedi wave
Elf Fantasy Fair yesterday was nice, went there with Jos, Peter and Jan.
The weather was good, but at the end of the day it became cold and now, a day
later, my throat is soar and I’m coughing. I was wearing a kilt, that wasn’t the best
plan ever. But the day was good, but I felt so insecure. The first time in ages that
I was wearing a kilt and it was a short kilt in my head. I was wearing football socks and
a marine shirt with my Kitty ears on my head. People were watching me and I felt
really bad. I thought everybody was staring at my ugly legs and my ugly face.
Nobody noticed I felt bad I think, but I did.
Now I see the pictures and I feel very unhappy.
Today had to work from 10 till 19:30, but I was glad I could leave at 17:30 pm.
I’m tired and I feel terrible. I’m happy I trained 1 hour just now.
And then I heard this song…. This is how I feel…
Ever felt like you’re lost?
I’ve got that feeling again for a few weeks now.
I’m working my ass off and that’s pretty much it.
I’m starting to sink deeper into quicksand called lonelyness.
It’s not that I’m all alone all the time, I see some of my friends
regularly, but it’s a feeling deep within me.
I can not find a hobby or occupation that’s giving me any satisfaction.
I clean my home because I have to, after cleaning I feel relieved
for a few minutes and the unhappy feeling returns.
I’m working out like an insane person, cause I don’t know what else to do.
Another reason is that I lost a lot of weight and I’m friggin’
scared I gain the weight again. And even now I’ve lost 7kg,
I still feel like a fat girl, I’ve never been really fat, just
chubby, but my head is screwing with me all my life.
I wish I could get over the fact Bullies took over my
way of thinking about myself when I was a kid, but I still can’t
see myself as a beautiful woman and that sucks big time.
I know, after reading this, you will think I’m losing it…
I guess I am…
27 years old….
What can I say, had a nice birthday party, the big one the 19th.
My new home is still awesome and that makes me feel better.
I’m glad it happened, a friend called and said he thought
I would’ve thrown myself of a cliff if my situation didn’t change by
moving..He was right.
I find it hard to realize I’m 27 years old and still single. Ok nowadays
a lot of people in their late 20′s are single but especially here in this
“neighbourhood” where I live in, a lot of people of my age have
children, are married, have a dog and a tree infront of their house..
Where am I…
At home, trying to study. I have so much to do before
going to nail my exams, I think I’m not going to make it…
That feeling makes me sad and defeated. I know I have to
go on and I will make the best of it, but it’s going to be very hard.
My new home and roomie kick ass! I cleaned up some of my stuff,
but we have a small space problem, we need more closets to put away
stuff! I have some boxes left in the kitchen with kitchen stuff and a lot
of boxes with games and DVD’s. We need more storage space.. lol!
I finally feel at ease, I can do my Wii fit exercise with enough space
around me and I’m sitting at the dining table! Yay! It’s the small things
in life that make the difference. Now I finally can make the time to play
games again and with my new roomie I have a partner in crime to rock
with. Playing Rockband with friends is more fun than playing by yourself.
Tomorrow the continuing of work ’till Saturday, It’s going great! My evaluation
was awesome and I think I can learn more to go higher up.. That’s the
whole mission of course. I have a great job!
Well going to the supermarket or something, I can not study any longer or
else my brains are going to drip out of my skull!! LoL
I has moved!! Yesterday, the most important stuff…
I still sleep in the livingroom, cause I have a lot of clothes
and my roommate’s got a lot of clothes herself, so my soon to be
room is stuffed with clothes and shoes.. hahahahaha…
But my matras is moved, so I sleep on my cozy 2 person bed.
My roommate is really cool and I laugh a lot with her! I’m happy,
I feel more chilled out since I moved here and I can do all the things
I like without my dad worrying about it or knowing what’s best for me.
Now I live like 15 minutes by bike from my dad, so I can visit him often.
That’s nice, I lived so far away from him for 10 years, that I’m happy
I live so nearby now.
Well going to bed now, have to go to work tomorrow…Good night!!
