I hate being sick!!
After wearing a kilt on saturday, sunday was sore throat day.
Monday was coughing my lungs out day, Tuesday extremely tired day,
Wednesday all together day and today I tried to work, but I’m home again day.

I woke up, didn’t cough that much last night, so I was feeling pretty ok,
I even did a 40 minute work out before going to work. But at work I was
tired again, walking to work felt like I ran a marathon and I was dizzy as hell.

So after one hour I went back home, after robbing the grocery store for fruit,
vegies and cranberry juice and the drugstore for all kinds of anti-flu stuff..
Now I’m sitting on the couch, soo tired, but not tired enough to sleep. It’s
more like I don’t have any energy left in my body, but I have to go back to
work in a few hours to close the store…I hope I’ll survive!!

I’m not sick *jedi wave

Elf Fantasy Fair yesterday was nice, went there with Jos, Peter and Jan.
The weather was good, but at the end of the day it became cold and now, a day
later, my throat is soar and I’m coughing. I was wearing a kilt, that wasn’t the best
plan ever. But the day was good, but I felt so insecure. The first time in ages that
I was wearing a kilt and it was a short kilt in my head. I was wearing football socks and
a marine shirt with my Kitty ears on my head. People were watching me and I felt
really bad. I thought everybody was staring at my ugly legs and my ugly face.
Nobody noticed I felt bad I think, but I did.
Now I see the pictures and I feel very unhappy.

Today had to work from 10 till 19:30, but I was glad I could leave at 17:30 pm.
I’m tired and I feel terrible. I’m happy I trained 1 hour just now.
And then I heard this song…. This is how I feel…

Ever felt like you’re lost?
I’ve got that feeling again for a few weeks now.
I’m working my ass off and that’s pretty much it.
I’m starting to sink deeper into quicksand called lonelyness.
It’s not that I’m all alone all the time, I see some of my friends
regularly, but it’s a feeling deep within me.

I can not find a hobby or occupation that’s giving me any satisfaction.
I clean my home because I have to, after cleaning I feel relieved
for a few minutes and the unhappy feeling returns.
I’m working out like an insane person, cause I don’t know what else to do.
Another reason is that I lost a lot of weight and I’m friggin’
scared I gain the weight again. And even now I’ve lost 7kg,
I still feel like a fat girl,  I’ve never been really fat, just
chubby, but my head is screwing with me all my life.
I wish I could get over the fact Bullies took over my
way of thinking about myself when I was a kid, but I still can’t
see myself as a beautiful woman and that sucks big time.

I know, after reading this, you will think I’m losing it…
I guess I am…